Hvorfor skal det være sådan her?

Spisningen er begyndt at gå skidt igen. Jeg sulter mig selv, og det er min tryghed.

Det er den eneste kontrol jeg har, og det kan jeg nok ikke lave om på.

En ting er sikkert - og det er at jeg skal sulte og tabe mig.

(Foto af Maren Vik (Marenviks.blogg.no))

Det hele falder bare fra hinanden. Min mor har fået kræft. Og jeg er meget syg. Er inde og blive syet, sulter mig selv og har mange selvmordstanker - og det er ikke engang to uger siden jeg blev udskrevet fra sygehuset. Jeg ved ikke hvad jeg skal gøre.

Alt er håbløst, og jeg er træt af at kæmpe.

Hvorfor skal det være sådan her?

"Once in a mental hospital, a person grows used to the freedom that exists in the world of madness and becomes addicted to it. You no longer have to take on responsibilities, to struggle to earn your daily bread, to be bothered with repetitive, mundane tasks. You could spend hours looking at a picture or making absurd doodles. Everything is torelated because, after all, the person is mentally ill.?

- Veronika decides to die,
Paulo Coehlo

Paradise by coldplay

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach so
She ran away in her sleep
And dreamed of
Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise
Every time she closed her eyes

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
And the bullets catch in her teeth
Life goes on, it gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear a waterfall
In the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes
In the night the stormy night away she'd fly

And dreams of
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh
She'd dream of
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh-oh

La-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
And so lying underneath those stormy skies
She'd say, "oh, ohohohoh I know the sun must set to rise"

This could be
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
This could be
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh
This could be
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
This could be
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh-oh

Am I about to sink?

As I walked down the road alone, I began to think, What if this is the wrong way, am I about to sink?

I saw the light in front of me, and suddently it began to gain. Is it the light in the end of the tunnel, or maybe it's just a train?

(C) Anne Mette

I'm here for you

Er jeg ikke fæl? spurgte jeg med rystende stemme. Fordi jeg er fyldt med ar?

"Slipping Away" - Moby

Open to everything happy and sad
Seeing the good when it’s all going bad
Seeing the sun when I can’t really see
Hoping the sun will at least look at me

Focus on everything better today
All that I needed I never could say
Hold on to people they’re slipping away
Hold on to this while it’s slipping away

Hvad gør man når ord ikke er nok?

Det er efterhånden lang tid siden jeg har skrevet - overskuddet har været minimalt, jeg har været for udmattet over at kæmpe, og tom for ord.

For hvad siger man, når ord ikke er nok?

Jeg er stadig indlagt, stadig på tvang, og jeg føler jeg går et skridt frem, og to tilbage.